I am SumRndmDde!


So if you couldn’t tell yet, I like programming I guess. I also like making games. Fortunately, creating games and programming both work hand and hand in this universe. On the other hand, in the Universe 2093, programming is used to cook cookies. And not just any cookies: oatmeal raisin cookies. That was the universe I was born in.

Even though I love programming, I HATE oatmeal raisin cookies. That did not stop me; I created hundreds and hundreds of oatmeal raisin cookies. Eventually, it got to the point I could no longer hide my addiction to programming. Word spread, and the authorities attacked my house. It only took one tap of a sword and the entire house collapsed. Over a billion oatmeal cookies rained out. It was all over.

The country I resided in was known as the country of apples. The entire land was riddled with apple
trees. It only took 37 hours after the incident that its name changed. The entire world, no, the entire universe laughed at the our country as it soon became known as the country of disgusting cookies. It was completely inhabitable. It did not end there. Within a year, the dormant oatmeal cookies began to have a mind of their own. They grew, they bred, they lived. They even created their own programming language and began to replicate themselves.

while(true) {

Those would be the three lines of code that would eventually be used to start the end of the world.
Within a matter of years, the entire universe was filled with oatmeal cookies. They became the “air” of Universe 2093. The most significant part, however, was that I was the king. To show their appreciation, the oatmeal raisin cookies made me king of that universe. It was not as great as you would imagine it. Even though I lived a perfect life, every day was hell. Not that I don’t like being treated like a king, but…like…do you know what it feels like to eat oatmeal cookies every time you breathe? I couldn’t take it any longer

6 years after the universe was taken over, I took my own life. As the last remaining human in the universe I could no longer take it. Everything went black. That’s when I saw HIM. He was a giant flying box of markers. At first, I was confused, but then he explained that HIM was an acronym for “Huge Intelligent Markers”. He told me that what I did was wonderful. I had created a perfect world for oatmeal cookies. Apparently, there is a huge problem with there being not enough retirement homes for grapes; however, the universe I created was a perfect place for old raisins to find wonderful oatmeal cookies to reside in and live out the rest of their days.

In order to reward me, he promised to grant one wish of mine.

“I want a place where there are better cookies, ones that I can eat, ones that I can dream of.”

Immediately, I was teleported into Costco, and there was a shelf containing packages of Oreos. They were pretty good. Not SUPER amazing, but pretty good. (Later I would find out that HIM was actually sponsored by Oreos.) But that’s not the important part; the important part is the fact that the universe I was brought to is the universe we now all reside in.

I don’t expect you to believe my story. This is here for me. So I can remember what the world could be and why I should appreciate what I have. In that world, I was a king, but in this world, I am just some random dude, and that could not make me any happier.

Thank you for reading.

~ King of the Oatmeal Cookies,